Once, I got a pumpkin head costume for Bubba. I think it was meant for a puppy, or maybe a baby. It was definitely not meant for a cranky orange tabby, but that didn’t stop me. I was so, so careful. I approached him gingerly. I held my breath for what felt like an eternity. I imagined how delightful he would be with that pumpkin head swaddling his precious, twitchy little mug.

But the second he saw me leaning in with that straightjacket full of velcro he was all: Are you effing kidding me? I never even got close to putting a pumpkin head on my cat. Fortunately our reader Paul’s dog Clyde was not nearly so stubborn. He played along when Paul dressed him up like a shark, which is obviously awesome. Now, please send me pictures of your pet in a costume, or any pet in a costume, because this is America, and that is how we roll (sarahhepola@gmail.com). I’ll post the best pics somewhere. Possibly here, possibly a back alley.