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Monthly Archives: January 2012

In which I eat peanut butter with my bare hands

Yesterday I pulled a jar of peanut butter out of the cabinet and began to eat it. As a kid, I did this many days after I got home from school. I opened the cabinet or the refrigerator door like I was turning on the television: OK, what’s going to entertain me today? I was [...]

Once upon a time, I went to Chuck E. Cheese’s

It was 1 pm on Sunday when I arrived to pick up my friend Mary. “Good, you don’t look like a pedophile,” she said, glancing at my wool skirt and sweater. We’d been warned by friends who have kids that showing up to Chuck E. Cheese’s without our own munchkins could look suspicious. Both single [...]

Frequently asked questions about discovering a public masturbator

Are you OK? I am fine. The weather is gorgeous today. I woke up at 6:30am, and there was a sliver of the moon glowing in the sky. It was spectacular. Has this masturbating episode turned you off all men? No. That would be crazy. Men are awesome. However, this incident has turned me off [...]

Strange things are afoot at the Barnes & Noble

I was reading a Gloria Steinem book when it happened, which is the only funny detail in the story. I had driven to the Barnes & Noble on a rainy night looking for another book, which I planned to read and not buy, but the store was out of stock. Not wanting the trip to [...]

The view from up here

The other day I met my friend, a mother of two, for a walk. She was a little late, maybe 10 minutes. She had alerted me to this with a text message typed in such a rush that she couldn’t be bothered with context or even verbs. “one min school,” it read. That’s OK, I [...]