Three Shades of the “Fifty
Shades” screening.

1. Tuscan Red

The first thing I can tell you about the PR people for the “Fifty Shades of Grey” movie is that they are very, very serious about spelling out the title correctly. Twice, in a hurry, I typed up “50 Shades” and twice — very politely, by the same person — I was informed that it is “Fifty” not “50,” and it is “Grey” not “Gray.” As someone who has spent a lifetime explaining that it is Sara-with-an-h, and H-e-p-o-l-a, I sympathize with their uphill climb.

2. Prussian Blue

I sat down at the movie’s packed screening between two groups. The woman to my left appeared drunk, and was talking in that overly loud way that drunk people do. Her male companion laughed at quite a few of the sex scenes, and kept looking over at her, like: This is funny, right?

3. Goldenrod

I’m not sure what possessed me to volunteer myself to review “Fifty Shades of Grey,” but I did. And I’m not taking it back.